A few short days ago, in the Gulchy Gulch of French Gulch, Colorado, lies a kingdom, an Empire of Dirt. Prospering wildly for at least two days in the past two weeks, the Dirt Emperor sits in his pit. A lover of loams, solicitor of silts, the Dirt Emperor is a [?] of the sail. Naturally, it wouldn't be the finest of a kingdom without a court. At the head, clearly, the Dirt Emperor. His right, the Order of Dirty Bastards. A knightly group centered around the protection and preservation of dirt. The order is very secretive, only its members and the Dirt Emperor knowing the traditions and secrets. Many think such secrecy is due to their EXTENSIVE record of warcrimes, yet in the annals of the order records kept since its inception, no such crimes exist. Notable members as of late have been Heshua Gerberto, a Stalwart and faithful instrument of the Dirt Emperor himself. The two, in fact, are often spotted crawling from tavern to tavern within the bustling commons of Dirt Hill, the capitol of the empire, with the rest of the order and often the court in tow. Gustavian Dirtchester, a fierce combatant and even greater diplomat, fostered a treaty with the People of Rock, who in a time of great boom and rock stair construction required stacks of dirt. The ensuing trade deal netted the empire enough capital to purchase a neighboring kingdom outright, or, the army to conquer it at least. The next of these extraordinary fellows is Lioraem Cornelius Wallacian Spartacus VIII. The teacher of combat within the order as well as the most competent fisher in it. Word has spread that Sir Lioraem VIII besieged an entire keep with nothing but himself and his personal stock of fishing hens. The many ever-loyal and courteous offered the captors' spoils to keep right to the Emperor, who decreed the knight keep half of the spoils. Onto the Court of Dirt, esteemed and venerated as they all are. Lady Grace, slinger of rocks and the harbinger of stairs, she is the Patron Saint of Rocks within the kingdom, for surely one could not exist without the other. She once single-handedly stopped a falling mountain from crushing the Dirt Hill, saving countless lives, least of all the Emperor's. The Dirtchess, Scameatleon Shmagasian, acts as one of the court's top diplomats, alongside Sir Dirtchester. The pair could broker any peace, any deal for the Emperor, skilled negotiators as they are. Arizane the Zant, the Dirt Jester, may argue her position in the court to be one of the most importance. Said to have made the most stoic, the most bereaved, those without joy giggle like schoolchildren. She keeps the court moving in a predictive way, producing the most raucous laughter when protectings seen to dull carry forward. Lastly for the characters we must look outside the court, for deep within the Empire of Dirt lies a forest, which in it lies a swamp, which in it lies a bog, which in it lies a desert, which holds an oasis, in which you will find Mozzle the Mystic, the dirt sage. Practiced in the arcane use of Dirt, the sage is wise beyond his years, and a great advisor to the dirt Emperor. His wisdom has guided the Dirt Emperor and his court for centuries, his very existence a secret to those ever close to the Emperor. His wisdom has guided the Dirt emperor and his court for centuries, his very existence a secret to those even close to the emperor. It is these individuals that define the court and have enabled the kingdom to thrive for so long. Long live the Dirt Emperor! Long live the Empire of Dirt!